I’d like to start this post by introducing you to my friend Chris Bell. Everyone say hi. (Hello.) Chris is looking for work. He lives in Kansas City, MO and he can do pretty much anything. His previous job was a preparator at the Kemper Museum where he put up walls, built pedestals, painted, handled expensive artwork, and otherwise did an amazing job at prepping a space for a fancy art show. If you, or anyone you know, has some work out there Chris will be happy to do it (within reason). Just send us an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Since Chris is between jobs at the moment, he has found himself in the exciting world of Epstein’s male modeling. (See pictures below)
Ok. So we’ve all resigned ourselves to the fact that the world is going to end this year, right? Whether it’s by catastrophic financial meltdown, angry Mayan war gods, the bath salt fueled zombie hordes, disgruntled bug like aliens, an asteroid, the earth getting too hot, too cold or just by our lack of not wanting to deal with it all, things are going to change.
You could get all mopey and hole up in your room eating ice cream and watching reruns of “I Love Lucy” or you could do something about it. You could stay up late worrying about whether humanity will ever make it to the point were we are all wearing the same blue unitard or you could go out there and kick some @$$.
This brings me to Epstein’s latest sales event, which I like to call our “End of the World Riot Gear Jubilee”. A common question I get asked from riot gear aficionado’s is, “Jori, I want to be protected while I clobber the ancient Mayan skeleton army, but I don’t want to sacrifice my own personal sense of style. Can you help me?” Of course. Now you can get all the protection you need battling off the brain hungry undead and still look good doing it with this special riot gear package that includes: an official midnight black police issue riot baton, gold trimmed shielded sheriff’s riot helmet with matching black leather belt and baton holder, and all for the incredible price of $40.
$40? It might seem like a lot of money to spend, but whose going to need money after an asteroid full of robo-space-alien-wasp people crashes into the ocean and enslaves us. Not me. I’d rather have my trusty riot baton then some old crinkly paper with some guys face printed on it.
If you, for whatever reason, decide you don’t need the whole package and want to buy just the baton or the belt or the helmet, well, we’ll do that to. I should also say that all of this stuff is “surplus”, so it comes in varying degrees of condition. While some of the riot batons are sleek and black and relatively unused, others have clobbered so many citizens of L.A. County that the paint has worn off and they’ve turned a beautiful smooth silver. All the batons are made of aircraft grade aluminum tubing that won’t bend, warp or break even when exposed to extreme hot or cold temperatures. Made by Aetco, they hail from California, some of them still have the officer’s names written or imprinted on them. Who knows, these could’ve been used in the LA riots. I’m not making any promises, but you could bring home a little piece of history here.
The belts! These are definitely my favorite part of the deal. Black full grain leather with a really cool buckling system. Nice baseket weave pattern. Comes in a bunch of different sizes. Ladies, the big belt look is still in right?
and to top it all off we have these green, tan and gold County of Los Angeles sheriff’s riot helmets. Visor flips up and down. Most have nice cushy padding inside and a chin strap. Comes in Medium and Large. These helmets look like they’ve taken a few knocks, but are otherwise in great shape.
Nothing says “Riot!” like a shiny gold bear walking slowly through a field of green.