Epstein's Daily Dispatch

So now that the zombie apocalypse is upon us there are a few things that you should do to prepare. First, you should learn how to spell “apocalypse”, because it’s a difficult word and you’re going to be using it a lot now. Second, you should stock up on swiss bayonets. If there’s one thing that really iritates zombies, it’s being poked with pointy metal objects. With this 9 1/2″ blade, you’ll have plenty of distance between you and your zombie attacker. It also comes with a handy frog and sheath.